I’ve emailed my ARC team for Berserker, and now I’m letting my general readers know that I don’t know when the hell this book is coming out. My mojo was back and I was writing fast and I thought I will get this done by X date and first it was coming out the 17th (tomorrow) then I realized I was putting myself in this vibe where I was in the struggle and hustle and grind and unnecessary stress of rushing and getting it done NOW. So then I changed and rearranged and said okay the 22nd. This is a perfect release date. It feels good to me, it gives me more space and time to get stuff done etc etc. It’s also the equinox and it just “felt” right. Then the words started to slow and the to do list started to build. And I was back in that same energy. (And the irony of trying to struggle and strain and push and hustle and grind and force the work to be done in time to release on a day of “balance” is not lost on me.)
And the book was like FUCK THAT… I will not work in these conditions. I liked it better when we were playing together.
There is still this one scene to write and I know as soon as I release the pressure valve it will come. so it’s possible this could go live on the 22nd or somewhere near that. But I cannot put a date on it. I should never set a release date before the book is complete. I know that I get excited and I want to get it out there and I hate slowing things down by making sure it’s done before I set a release date and I have to contact the ARC team and give them time so I don’t just spring it on you guys… but I have to wait until this is done to set the date and set the pre-order. I’m hoping this will be this month, but I don’t know when this last scene will unlock for me and I can’t force it onto a timeline and just say “Dance monkey, dance” to the writing gods because it’s not ultimately in my interest.
Even if I could work that way, it is a gift that I can’t, because that’s a very stressed out and rushed frenetic place to live. And if I got good results that way it would just reinforce the behavior and the struggle. So better that the words shut off totally and I shift out of that bullshit entirely.
So… I will let you know when it is done and when it is edited and when it is formatted and when ALL THE THINGS ARE DONE and the pre-order is up. In fact you’re not going to hear another word about when this is coming out until the pre-order is up (which means the final files are up because I don’t do pre-orders anymore without the final files being submitted at the time I set up the pre-order.)
Again so sorry to keep changing this up, but I cannot force the inspiration to come to me. The magic is not on my schedule. It’s on the writing gods’ schedule and that’s what it is. I’m not going to force myself to do things and push and struggle. It’s not worth it to live my life this way from this aggressive masculine energy and I’m making big changes in how I approach life in general for my overall well-being. However as I shift into this new way of being and doing things, there are some bumps along the road where I still fall into this temptation to “announce a date” before it’s done. Though I think I’ve finally learned not to do that. If I want to work from a chill energy and a place of peace and joy and pleasure, then it cannot be on a “schedule”. It can’t be on a deadline. And if that sounds Diva, then let it be so. I’m a motherfucking diva and I will own that shit if it means peace of mind.
Now I’m going to take the day off and chillax and when the words are ready I will write them. I’m not lazy. But I can’t shove this into some 9-5 matrix and expect good results either for the work itself or for my well-being.
Love you guys, thank you so much for reading and supporting my work!